Journey of The White Bear #8: Get clear about what you want in life

In this clip from the You Tube channel, Evantube Raw, we see a woman, now best known as "Mommy Tube," get tricked into going skydiving.  Guys, I wouldn't recommend trying this with your wife or girlfriend.  Mommy Tube takes it amazingly well, and seems to really enjoy it after the initial anger at being tricked wears off.

Life Lesson:  Take the time to figure out what's really important to you

So why am I showing you this video?  Because Mommy Tube wasn't always her name.  This daring woman has a real name, which she keeps private because her kids are You Tube stars.  But years ago, long before becoming Mommy Tube to Evan and Jillian, she was my sister's best friend in high school and college.

I was living in Southern California when my sister called me up one night, stressing over a big decision she had to ,concerning where to go to college the next year.  It's a long story, but I talked her through a series of questions from one of the self-help books I had read.  It helped my sister make the needed decision, but I really didn't like the tone of the questions.  They were too materialistic and focused only on making money.  So I started to work on my own series of questions to help me figure out what was really important in life on a deeper level.  I have used this group of questions as a workshop for myself ever since, for over 20 years.

A few months after I helped my sister get clear about what was important to her, I was headed to visit her for a few days.  The woman now known as Mommy Tube was a die hard actress then, and she was agonizing over two possible ways to spend her summer, both acting-related.  But she wasn't sure which was the best choice.  So I talked Mommy Tube, my sister, and another friend of theirs through my own workshop.  After about an hour, Mommy Tube was much more clear on what she wanted, what was really important to her then, and her decision was simple.  She soon headed off to an acting program across the country, and was happy she did.

To be completely clear, taking her through my little workshop had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her kids have some of the most successful channels on You Tube now, and that she and Daddy Tube and the kids are all doing very well in life.  But on that evening, many years ago, my workshop helped her make a big decision.  I've found that if you take the time to get clear about what's really most important to you, deciding what direction to go next is pretty simple.  For lack of a better name, I've referred to my workshop as "Clarity," because it helps a person get clear about what's important. Here's a shortened version of it for you to do on your own or with friends.

The White Bear's Clarity Workshop

First , make time for yourself to do this.  Take your time answering the questions.  It should take you an hour or more.  I know that's a lot of time, but your future is worth it.  Next, get a pen and a notebook or a few sheets of paper.  Sit down, get something to drink, and follow this little story.  If you do this with friends or family, sit apart from the people you know best and DON'T share answers.  This is an individual, personal workshop. 

OK, so you get out of the car at a big store one day, and you're walking towards the doors.  A gust of wind kicks up, and a gold colored piece of paper flutters towards you.  You've watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory enough to know what a golden ticket is.  So you bend down and grab the gold piece of paper.  Much to your surprise, it says, "You have won a great prize!  Call this phone number."  There's an 800 number below that.  You figure it's some kind of prank, so you put the paper in your pocket and go shopping.

Later that evening, you pull the paper out of your pocket.  You hesitate.  And then you call the 800 number.  Much to your surprise, a polite woman answers and says, "You have won a great prize, a sort of lottery.  Someone will come to meet you tomorrow and explain the details."  She goes on to tell you that only one person every couple of years finds the golden ticket, and that your life is about to change forever.  You still wonder if it's a joke.  But the woman seems completely sincere.  You agree to meet someone the next day at a local restaurant for breakfast.

You head to the restaurant that morning, expecting no one to show up.  Much to your surprise, a couple who appear to be in their 60's walks up to you.  The woman introduces herself as Barb, and then introduces her husband Dick.  Both of them are a bit overweight, but quite healthy looking and incredibly friendly.  Barb gas a mass if very curly brown hair, and Dick's hair is salt and pepper, and his face is highlighted by a full, graying beard.  He reminds you a bit of the singer Kenny Rogers.

The hostess seats all of you, and Barb begins explaining the golden ticket after you order.  She tells you that a rich industrialist, many decades ago, decided to create a sort of private lottery to help people follow their deepest dreams and ambitions.  You will never know his name.  But he set up an organization with his fortune, and for more than 80 years, people have been putting out the golden tickets in obscure places, and giving the great prize to the people who found them.  Barb pulls out a notebook and hands you a pen.  "The prize actually consists of several things," she explains, "so I'm going to ask you some questions, and you write down your answers."  First, she explains that all your current bills, of any kind, will be paid in full.  Part of the purpose of the prize is to give people a fresh start in life.

The first part of the prize, Barb tells you, is that you get to travel for an entire year.  You can go anywhere in the world you want, any form of travel, and stay each place as long as you want.  Your current home will be taken care of while you're away, and all bills will be paid.  So... list all the places you want to visit and things you'd like to do at each place.  Do you want to take a road trip in the U.S.?  Go on a cruise?  Drive through Europe?  Visit the pyramids?  Write it all down now.

After you're done writing, Barb tells you about the next part of the prize.  You get a house of any kind, anywhere in the U.S. you want.  Describe your dream house, where it's located, and what amenities you want it to have. 

You still can't believe this is actually happening, but Barb and Dick assure you it is, as they devour their French Toast.  After you've written about your dream house, Barb tells you about the next part of the prize.  You get a vacation spot.  Nothing huge, but it can be a cabin in the mountains, a condo at the beach, or some other place to get away.  Describe your perfect vacation spot, what it's like, and where it is.

By this point, you're really getting into this idea of winning the prize, and being able to dream so blatantly about things you'd never thought you'd get to do, feels great.  Dick chimes in on the next part.  He says you get two vehicles, but make one of them practical.  "There is a limit on this part of the prize, he says, "neither vehicle can cost over $100,000.  If you want that purple Lamborghini, you'll have to buy it on your own."  Describe your two ideal vehicles. 

You can't help but smile as you imagine that SUV you've always wanted.  When you look up, Dick continues.  "The next part of the prize is home items, toys and electronics.  Do you want a sailboat, a kayak, a motorcycle, a jet ski?  What kind of TV and sound system do you want?  What kind of phone and computer do you want?  Do you want a video game system?  Do you want scuba gear or camping equipment?  Or do you want a library full of classic books?  Write down what amenities, toys, sports equipment, electronics, or special items you want in your house.

At this point, Dick orders more coffee, and Barb takes over again.  "Let's look at where we are.  All your bills will be paid. You get to travel for a year wherever you want.  You get your dream house just where you want it, and a getaway spot somewhere.  You get the home furnished, and lots of electronics, sports equipment, and toys.  For the next part of the prize, you get to meet 20 living people.  Anyone on Earth you want to meet, the organization will set up a lunch with."  Name 20 people you want to meet.  Anyone.  Anywhere.  
 
You can't believe how the prize just keeps going on and on.  Barb finally says, "OK, we're getting near the end of the prize.  You get everything you've just listed, and you can make a few changes along the way if you want.  Once you're back from your travel and in your new house, you'll get $250,000 a year to live on.  Everything you've already listed will be paid for.  You'll have full medical, dental, life, and other types of insurance for life."

"There is just one catch to winning the prize," Barb says with a smile.  Your hear drops.  "Damn, I knew there was a catch, I knew this couldn't be true," you think to yourself.  Barb smiles, "Don't get dejected, it's not a bad catch.  The responsibility of winning the prize is this.  You have to spend at least 30 hours a week doing something productive for the rest of your life.  You just can't become a lazy alcoholic playing video games  You can go back to school.  You can volunteer.  You can start a business.  You can do some form of art or craft work.  You can teach a skill you have to others."  Barb pauses.  

She continues, "You have the bills paid, the travel, the house, the vehicles, the vacation spot, and enough money to live well.  You have the physical things you want.  Now that you have all of that taken care of, what do you want to do with your time?"   It's just 30 hours a week.  We'll keep in touch, and you can change what you do when you want.  

OK blog readers.  That's the first part of the workshop.  Take a break, get a snack or drink, and share what's on your list with any friends or family members that may be doing this workshop with you.  One important rule, no one can put down another person's items on their lists.  Come back to this after you've taken a break and thought about actually doing and having all the things you just listed.  









The White Bear's Clarity Workshop: part 2

Go back over each of your lists, and look for themes.  What did you want to do at your vacation spots?  Lie on the beach?  Scuba dive?  Explore ancient ruins?  Meet interesting people?  Shoot photos?  Do some sort of athletic or adventurous activity?  What themes come up more than once?

Now look at your dream house and vacation spot.  What type of lifestyle do these suggest. Would you be someone writing mystery novels?  Or someone going rafting and camping?  Or someone entertaining friends and family?  

What does your choice of vehicles suggest?  What are those vehicles used for?  

Look at the toys, sports equipment, and amenities you listed.  What kind of lifestyle do they suggest?  Are you planning to spend your time building things from wood in a workshop?  Or are you going to travel the world and blog about it?  Are you going to study a foreign language?  Or will you be teaching a needed skill to some group?    

Now look at the people you want to meet.  Next to each person's name, write what their job is or what you find interesting about them.  You will probably see two or three themes emerge.  Are they mostly writers or musicians or actors?  Are they NASCAR racers?  Are they politicians or scholars of some kind?  Business people?  Whatever themes emerge from this list, it's something you want to put more interest and effort into in your real life. 

Last, but definitely not least, how would you spend your time after winning The Prize described?  

As I mentioned at the start of this post, the point of this workshop is to become clear about what's really important in your life.  In the next post we'll look at how to implement these ideas into your real, everyday life.  

As for me, Steve Emig (aka The White Bear), I'm moving out of where I'm living at the end of May.  At this point, it looks like I will be homeless, likely living in a shelter, for a while, as I build my business around my writing and artwork (and maybe doing these .  If you found this workshop helpful and would like to contribute to my future doing similar things, you can do so here.  

It's a big world out there.  Live well while you can.